Earthquake Part II: The Rumbling
by Red Witch
Summary: Another earthquake hits the Figgis Agency.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Archer characters got wrecked somehow. Just another mad thought from my mad little mind. So, what did happen during those three months while Archer was in a coma? A lot actually.**

 **Earthquake Part II: The Rumbling! **

"Okay AJ," Lana said as she put her daughter down on the carpet of the bullpen in the Figgis Agency. "How about some juice? You like your juice don't you?"

"Juice!" AJ chirped as Lana took out some juice from her pink baby bag.

"There you go, good girl," Lana grinned as she bent down and gave her some juice. "Drink it all up now! Honey just remember…stick to juice. At least until you turn 18. Although considering who your father and your grandmother are…Ugh."

Lana took a breath. "Honestly if you're not an alcoholic by the time you're sixteen that will make me happy."

AJ held up her finger like her father as she drank her juice. "Although that possibility is looking more certain by the day," Lana groaned. "And to think, I picked Archer to be your father for his genes."

"Didn't see the flaw in **that plan** , did you?" Cyril was heard coughing.

"Cyril you sound like Beth March at the end of Little Women," Lana remarked.

"Little wonder the way it is outside! Is it me or is the smog especially thick this morning?" Cyril coughed as he came in.

"It is. Unless Krieger and Pam are smoking ribs again in the break room," Lana remarked as she stood up.

"They're not," Mallory sighed as she walked in. "What is my granddaughter doing here? Sitting on the floor drinking juice. She's not pretending she's her father on one of his benders is she?"

"County Day got closed due to both the smog and a fire," Lana explained.

"Wait the smog is covering even **County Day**?" Mallory was surprised.

"Yeah there's this new thing called _pollution,_ " Lana said sarcastically. "And apparently, it spreads **everywhere** …Even occasionally over rich neighborhoods. Weird. I know."

"What about the fire?" Mallory asked.

"It started last night," Lana said. "At County Day. Last I heard they put it out but there's still some damage so it will be closed the rest of the week."

"Doesn't County Day have that state of the art sprinkler system they just installed?" Mallory asked.

"That's what caused the fire in the first place," Lana sighed.

"County Day had a **faulty sprinkler system**?" Mallory was shocked. "How is that _possible?"_

"Because the system was purchased by Richard Stratton IV aka Ivy," Lana told her. "Who apparently pocketed the difference when he bought a cheap one."

"How did you know that?" Cyril was stunned.

"Uh there's this new thing called **the news**?" Lana gave him a look. "When the Feds raided Stratton and Whitney yesterday they found some incriminating papers. Obviously not all of them but enough to put the pieces together."

"Oh right," Cyril winced. "I really should have grabbed some of those."

"It's a moot point," Lana sighed. "Between the founders' mysterious and violent deaths, the company losing millions of dollars of their clients' money overnight and an accountant at the firm with a conscience babbling like Pam with gossip…"

"The Feds were bound to be tipped off sooner or later," Mallory put it together.

"The firm is officially shut down for good," Lana nodded. "And all the employees are looking for another job. Or possibly airline tickets to a country without an extradition treaty to the US."

"Great," Cyril sighed. "That's **another** business we destroyed."

"Nice to see I'm not the **only one** that happens to," Mallory said sarcastically.

"Plus, there's another wildfire in the hills," Lana said. "And the smoke is also contributing to…Oh Dear God where's Cheryl?"

"Relax Lana Xtra Sensitive," Pam walked in. "Cheryl passed out early last night. And is currently passed out in the copy room."

"Again?" Cyril groaned.

"Yeah," Pam sighed. "This time on scotch, glue and some weird pills she found in her purse. And I'm pretty sure they weren't allergy pills. I'm actually starting to get worried about her."

"Why?" Mallory asked.

"Because she's technically the **only paying client** we have," Cyril sighed. "Remember? She pays us protection money. Fortunately in her contract it states that we can only do so much to protect her from **herself.** "

"Smart to put that clause in there," Lana said. "How much does she pay anyway?"

"Not enough," Mallory grumbled. "Not even **nearly** enough considering all the trouble…"

RRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMBBBBBLEEEEE!

"What the hell?" Mallory yelled as the building shook.

"EARTHQUAKE!" Cyril yelled. "EARTHQUAKE!"

"AJ!" Lana grabbed AJ. AJ spilled her juice all over Cyril.

SMASH! SMASH!

"NOT MY OTHER STUBENDS!" Mallory yelled as the glasses from the bar smashed.

The other members of the Figgis Agency also experienced the earthquake in different rooms.

Ray was in the break room. "Oh Dukes!" He gulped as everything started flying out of cupboards.

Dishes, glasses, plates, food and drink all spilled out everywhere breaking all around Ray.

"I am **not** cleaning that up!" Ray grumbled.

"AAAAHHH!" Cheryl woke up from lying on top of the copy machine wearing only her bra and panties. "IT'S THE RUMBLING! JUST LIKE THE GYPSY WOMAN SAID!"

In the garage, Krieger's van rocked back and forth. There were delighted squeals emanating from it. Then the earthquake stopped.

"Oh," Krieger blinked as he poked his head out of the van. "That wasn't me, was it?"

"Who cares Krieger-san…" Mitsuko could be heard purring. "You rocked my world!"

Back in the bullpen…

"Oh God…is it over?" Lana asked.

"EEEEEEE!" AJ squealed with delight as she squeezed her juice box.

AJ's juice squirted all over Cyril again. "AAGGH!" Cyril gasped.

"That was quick," Pam remarked. "On my…"

"PAM!" Lana, Mallory and Cyril warned.

"AAAAAAHHH!" Cheryl screamed as she ran by in her bra and panties. "IT'S THE RUMBLING! IT'S THE RUMBLING!"

"It's over Cheryl!" Lana shouted.

"AGAIN!" AJ cheered. "AGAIN!"

"I don't believe it. AJ actually **liked** the earthquake," Lana sighed. "Oh God. She's turning into her father."

"Well the good news is she can check that off her bucket list," Pam quipped.

"AAAAHHHH!" Cheryl was heard running around smashing things.

"I AM NOT CLEANING **THAT** UP!" Ray was heard shouting.

"Speaking of buckets," Mallory groaned. "I guess it's too much to hope that Carol will run out into traffic?"

"Again, her checks pay for **our checks!"** Cyril snapped.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Cheryl screamed.

"I'll get her," Pam sighed as she went after her.

"Dan-ja zone!" AJ laughed.

"Definitely her father's daughter," Cyril wiped some juice off his face. "Great…"

"Now I am **really** starting to get scared," Mallory groaned.


End file.
